The Breakup Exchange

I have this pair of diamond earrings that I received as a gift from an ex-boyfriend. I like them because they are different than most studs I see on other ears so I tend to wear them frequently. The problem is that the backs do not screw on; they are just regular earring backs. And as I am incredibly lazy with my jewelry, I often leave them in for long periods at a time. Which has led me to lose one of them not once, but twice now (and randomly enough always on trips Seattle).

A reasonable person would ask, “Gee, aren’t they insured?” And they are, however the problem lies in the fact that the ex has the insurance information. And the ex and I no longer keep in contact. Which led me to ask the question – how many times does an ex end up with something we want back?

I would love to have the insurance information for my earrings, which I have luckily found both times I lost one, because one of these days, they aren’t coming back. On the other hand, I kept his favorite hoodie. It is inevitable that your previous significant other ends up with something you want whether it be music, movies, clothes or something else and the world has yet to figure out an appropriate way to get those things back. Hell, I have a hard time getting things back from people I still talk to!

Which leads me to the following conclusion: there should be a “Goodwill” of sorts for breakups. Or at least some sort of exchange point. In the process of returning personal items, something always gets left behind. Shampoo is easy enough to replace, but what about that cool picture frame or your favorite sleeping shirt you left behind? You don’t want to call the ex up and ask for those things usually, which is why there should be a common drop off point for those types of things. You can register with an exchange in all the cities that you have exes and then the “Breakup Exchange” will notify the ex that their missing personal items are available for pick-up, similar to how the library lets you know when a book you have on hold is available. This way, while feelings may be hurt, no one actually has to deal with them face to face and hey, you get your stuff back!

And it sure would have made me feel better to send the old favorite hoodie I no longer wanted from an ex to the “Relationship Exchange - Portland” than dropping it off at the actual Goodwill. (Sorry ex-boyfriend, we don’t talk and I was low on closet space.) Although you never want to be intentionally cruel to someone, nothing says “I’m over you” like taking their stuff to Goodwill. Because deep down, we really just want our stuff back nicely.