Super Glue

Anyone who has been a runner for a period of time has been a victim of a rumbly tummy situation. You’re mid run and all the sudden, your innards have a mind of their own. And they want to be doing something other than running. Right. Now.

I’ve been pretty lucky the times I’ve needed to use a restroom during a run. Either I’m on a trail that has an outhouse at the base or I’m close enough to home that it works out. I’ve heard horror stories, so I was counting my lucky stars when my stomach started to act up during my run the other day and I happened to be running on a treadmill and the gym. A gym with a restroom. As much as I hate stopping mid run, I decided that would be a much wiser decision to use the restroom and then continue my run.

Did I mention that I’d already run three miles in a warm gym? Which means I’m sweaty. And it’s warm enough that even my legs are sweating. This will be important in a minute. So I’ve hopped off the treadmill and am in the restroom. Only when I stand up, half the seat cover comes with me. Why? Because I’m sweaty so the paper is sticking to me. No biggie, this has happened before, I’m thinking I’ll just peel it off. Except it won’t come off!! The seat cover has somehow been permanently attached to my skin. AND IT’S NOT COMING OFF!

Now I’m starting to panic just slightly because I can’t figure out how on earth to get the damn paper off my legs. And at least four other people have come and gone so now it seems like I’m just setting up camp in the restroom. I despise public restrooms. And now I hate toilet seat covers. I can’t just leave the paper there, what if it starts falling off when I start to run again? Seriously, how the hell am I going to get this paper off my legs?!

I tried picking at it, but I can’t see the backs of my thighs very well and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t really getting anywhere. So I desperately started to rub the paper stuck parts, hoping that the paper would please, please peel off my damn legs. It seemed to actually be working! I think I got most of the paper off, but again, I can’t see the backs of my legs so I’m just guessing. I think I also found a bruise, but couldn’t really be sure if it was a shadow. Finally I’m as sure as I’m going to be that I got the seat cover unattached from my body. Of course now the bathroom stall looks like a hamster shredded a Kleenex or six in it, but at least the paper is off my legs.

I was finally able to leave the restroom and return to my run. Still secretly praying that I really did get all the paper off. Lesson learned – sweat and toilet seat covers make super glue.