My mom once joked that I have been thirty-five years old since I was three. She’s absolutely right; I am definitely an old soul. Whether that is good or bad, who knows, it just simply is for me. I’ve had my version of life figured out for a very long time. What I’ve had to learn along the way however is that not everyone does. And much to my consternation at the time I came upon this realization, we aren’t all old souls. Despite being wise to this information in my old age, one of the hardest lessons I have to learn over and over again is that life isn’t black and white. Much to my dismay, I keep stumbling upon large shades of gray in various life situations.
Like I said, as an old soul, I’ve had my version of life figured out since forever. Part of this and my being a black and white person includes a high moral standard that I hold myself to, and unfortunately tend to hold others to. I’m so black and white, that I never even mixed the two colors in art class as a child. As I’ve gotten older that the moral issues that have to be dealt with have changed, and with that change comes gray. We move from the black of its wrong to cheat on a test to the gray of cheating significant others.
I am adamantly against cheating on a significant other. Whether you are married and cheating or single with a married person, I think it is unacceptable. My friends all know this about me. Which is why I found myself surprised on multiple occasions when friends have told me that they were a cheater or a cheatee. (Cheatee: a single person who is canoodling with a married person.) What do you say to a friend who tells you something like that? Is there a right thing to say in that situation? I don’t know, but stuck with I care about you but don’t agree with that decision. When you see people cheat in movies, you tend to think less of them. Have you see the movie “Unfaithful?” Nobody likes Diane Lane at the end of that movie. Oddly enough, real life isn’t as black and white as the movies. I found shades of gray in a situation where I never expected there to be any. Because at the end of the day, these people were still my good friends. Making what I considered to be a poor choice didn’t change who these people were deep down or the reasons why we were friends.
On a lighter note, I had recently decided to do a spending diet, where I attempted not to eat out or shop on line for thirty days. What I realized after a week of being good and sticking to the plan was that things come up. I had an unplanned birthday happy hour to attend and another friends going away party. Things that I hadn’t planned for but were important and I needed to be at because they were for really good friends. I’d already missed one friends wedding, all hell was going to break lose if I missed her going away party. Things like that are important. And the world didn’t cave in because I broke my spending diet, which I had intended to be a black and white issue. Although not super significant in the grand scheme of things, it was a good reminder that life isn’t set in stone or perfect. That entering the gray zone is okay every now and again.
Being an old soul, I know exactly what is right and wrong for me. What is black and what is white. For me. That’s the distinction that I need to remember. That life isn’t black and white for everyone. And that it’s good to surround myself with people who aren’t afraid to dip in to the gray. Turns out you learn something about yourself when dipped into the gray, willing or not. And the gray can be fun. So despite my better judgment, bring on the gray. In appropriate amounts of course.
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