With 30 rapidly approaching, and not a date in sight, friends and family and everyone else I meet tend to try and conjure up a great guy for me. Knowing that they mean well, and taking into account that I clearly don’t know any single, dateable guys, I try and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Most of these conversations are unremarkable, and once the person determines they don’t know any single, dateable guys either, tend to ask whether or not I’ve thought about trying online dating. Because they have a friend of a friend of a friend who it worked great for. But I digress. This blog isn’t to complain about how everyone tells me I should try online dating, but to recount a conversation I had with a friend.
My friend Ben is recently married and would like for us all to be as happy and domesticated as he is. The conversation started out normal, with the usual question of whether or not I was seeing anyone. Upon my typical response of, “no, do you know anyone?” here is the hilarity that ensued:
B: Heids, I have a single co-worker.
H: Tell me about him.
B: I'll start with the positives. He's a great guy, made a ton of money in the internet boom in the late 90's
H: Awesome. Wait . . . in the late 90's I was still trying to make the varsity basketball team. How old is this guy?
B: Let's focus on the positives. He's a great guy, funny, has money.
H: So what are the negatives, besides the fact that he's old.
B: Well, he's 40ish.
H: (eyebrow raise)
B: Okay, so he's mid to late 40's. He's a little shorter than me. He's never been married.
H: How high of heels can I wear?
B: What are those short ones called? Kitten heels? I'd stick with those as the max.
H: The only bonus of being short is that I never have to worry about how high my heels are.
B: So, no?
H: Thanks for thinking of me. Let's try and keep them under 40 and above 5'8.
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