Growing up in a small town is different from growing up in a city in a number of ways. Where you find your friends is a major one of those differences. I remember talking to my boss early on in my working career and she was talking about her kids’ friends. They had friends from after school clubs and athletic teams and from places and activities I didn’t even know existed. As a kid, I had friends from school. There were 50 of us in the class and 30 miles to the next small town, so you were mostly friends with the people you went to school with K-12.
The good thing about small town friends is you’ve known each other forever. The bad thing is you’ve known each other forever. It’s too easy to be placed in or put other people in a box of how you think they act or what they believe. It’s hard to make changes in yourself. And there are very few other people to be friends with, because there are so few people in the area.
I remember sitting in a class in junior high once and somebody saying how they were sure that these people were going to be the best friends they’d ever have. I remember realizing that while I might maintain friendships with these people, I was still looking for the truly great friends. I longed for those types of friends. I knew other people that had amazing friends from college and at the time, I suspected that this is where my best friends in the world would come from. I longed for those types of friends. I enjoyed the people I met in college and still keep in touch with my friends from that era, but it’s the friends I’ve made post college that are my favorite and most treasured friends.
Recently I met up with some friends from grad school. Many classes, thousands of dollars and a few years later, four of us still get together regularly. We had so much fun at dinner the other night the waitresses actually asked if we really had to go because we were such a fun table. We’ve been through grad school, break ups, divorces and babies together. What is perhaps even more amazing and special about these friends is that no topic is off limits. My friends have been very open about their divorces and what they’re going through which has been very educational. (And makes me an even firmer believer in the pre-nup.) It’s fun to hassle the lone guy about his dates post-divorce, and pepper him with questions like we would do a girlfriend.
There are also the friends I’ve met through work. The friend that constantly challenges me to go outside of my comfort zone. The friend that I can call at 2 am if needed and the first thing they said would be, “where are you, I’m grabbing my keys.” The friends that share your hobbies and passions like baking and crafts. The friend that lets her kids be a faux niece and nephew to you because those kids are so freaking awesome it doesn’t matter that there isn’t actually a blood relation. The friends, and their significant others, who let you visit frequently.
It’s nice to realize so many years later that amazing friends are out there. You might not find these friends when you’re five or fifteen. It might take twenty-five years. But it’s pretty spectacular when it happens.
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