“She’s got legs, and she knows how to use them,” sang the L’eggs advertisements back in the day. I didn’t realize how far back in the day until I read an article saying that L’eggs was running its first advertisements in 15 years. Apparently they believe that Kate Middleton and 80 year old women around the globe are enough to bring the torture devices back.
I own exactly one pair of panty hose, which I bought for my first job eight years ago. They’re still in the cardboard container. I keep them because I like to imagine the look on some alien archeologist’s face when he comes to learn about the life that used to inhabit Earth and finds a pair of pantyhose. Because how funny is it to think of an alien picking those up, thinking WTF, and then trying to figure out WTF those were used for, much less why they were created?
Today I wore a pair of tights, thinking they couldn’t possibly be as bad as panty hose were. After all, everyone else looks so cute in them. Tights are only mildly less annoying than panty hose. They are just warmer and still a huge inconvenience. And aside from the extra effort they take every time a bathroom break is taken, they just plain don’t fit right. I have never found a pair of panty hose or tights that fit right. I’m convinced that not a single pair of them actually fit a woman in the world. They come in exactly three sizes for a million different body sizes. We can come up with hundreds of styles and sizes for jeans, but we can’t create panty hose that fit a person? How utterly ridiculous is that? As I write this, I’m constantly adjusting the tights that in order to fit over my legs, also have to be long enough to reach my neck. I wish I were joking.
I’ve read multiple articles about how Kate Middleton wears panty hose and if anyone is going to bring them back its her. Kate is beautiful, but I’m willing to bet that she wouldn’t wear them either if she didn’t have to. Panty hose are a propriety thing. And an old fashioned thing. All of which the British monarchy represents. You think she’s choosing to wear panty hose? Please, she wears them because if she didn’t, instead of writing articles about how she’s bringing them back the media would be focusing on how un-proper, un-ladylike and un-royal she is.
You know who openly admits to disliking panty hose? Michelle Obama. I’m siding with her. Plus her arms are amazing. Until they can make me panty hose that actually fit, I’m out. Someone please invent the tights or panty hose where I can buy them by leg width and length, so I don’t have to wear them up to my neck, as well as ones that aren’t so tight at the waste that they squeeze fat out of a Victoria Secret model. I recommend that whoever created the yoga pant work on the tights issue. Until then, L’eggs, good luck bringing panty hose back into style.
I own exactly one pair of panty hose, which I bought for my first job eight years ago. They’re still in the cardboard container. I keep them because I like to imagine the look on some alien archeologist’s face when he comes to learn about the life that used to inhabit Earth and finds a pair of pantyhose. Because how funny is it to think of an alien picking those up, thinking WTF, and then trying to figure out WTF those were used for, much less why they were created?
Today I wore a pair of tights, thinking they couldn’t possibly be as bad as panty hose were. After all, everyone else looks so cute in them. Tights are only mildly less annoying than panty hose. They are just warmer and still a huge inconvenience. And aside from the extra effort they take every time a bathroom break is taken, they just plain don’t fit right. I have never found a pair of panty hose or tights that fit right. I’m convinced that not a single pair of them actually fit a woman in the world. They come in exactly three sizes for a million different body sizes. We can come up with hundreds of styles and sizes for jeans, but we can’t create panty hose that fit a person? How utterly ridiculous is that? As I write this, I’m constantly adjusting the tights that in order to fit over my legs, also have to be long enough to reach my neck. I wish I were joking.
I’ve read multiple articles about how Kate Middleton wears panty hose and if anyone is going to bring them back its her. Kate is beautiful, but I’m willing to bet that she wouldn’t wear them either if she didn’t have to. Panty hose are a propriety thing. And an old fashioned thing. All of which the British monarchy represents. You think she’s choosing to wear panty hose? Please, she wears them because if she didn’t, instead of writing articles about how she’s bringing them back the media would be focusing on how un-proper, un-ladylike and un-royal she is.
You know who openly admits to disliking panty hose? Michelle Obama. I’m siding with her. Plus her arms are amazing. Until they can make me panty hose that actually fit, I’m out. Someone please invent the tights or panty hose where I can buy them by leg width and length, so I don’t have to wear them up to my neck, as well as ones that aren’t so tight at the waste that they squeeze fat out of a Victoria Secret model. I recommend that whoever created the yoga pant work on the tights issue. Until then, L’eggs, good luck bringing panty hose back into style.
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