Generosity

Is generosity something that you just have or is it something that can be learned? I’ve been pondering this question and all I’ve come up with is another question. How many ways are there to be generous? Time, money, skills?

I started thinking about this last Friday at happy hour. My brother was in town so I was meeting up with him and his girlfriend. When the bill came, Rob and I both grabbed for it. Courtney tried, but she was too far away. It was only after I reminded my brother that he had bought the movie tickets that he let go of the check. Neither one of use were considering letting Courtney pay. Next time perhaps.

But it got me thinking, is willingness to pick up the check a form of generosity? I know people who would split the check down to the penny to only pay what they ordered. Then there are people I work with who pay for the first $100-$200 of the bar tab when work people go out, which I consider pretty generous. Then there are the people in the middle, like my close friends, who just split the check X amount of ways. Does willingness to part with more money than you are required to make you generous? Does it matter if you do it willingly or begrudgingly?

I ask if it’s something that can be learned because generous is not an adjective I would use to describe myself. It is one that I would use to describe my mother however. And as I get older, I find myself working towards being more generous to the people in my life. And money aside, there are other ways to be generous.

While I’m slightly more willing to part with my money, despite my frugal nature, I’m less likely to part with my time. In fact, if I can buy my way out of something I don’t want to do, I’ll do it. There are certain circumstances where you suck it up and do something you don’t want to do (i.e. wedding showers, baby showers, bachelorette parties) because the other person matters. And that is one way to show them that they matter to you. But this isn’t generosity; I’m doing these things begrudgingly to show my friends that they, and the events in their life, are important. And because all these things usually have cake.

I would consider people who donate their time to be very generous. Rather than work in a soup kitchen, I’d rather throw some money at it. I do donate to select organizations that I feel strongly about, but I’m not entirely sure this is generous either. According to the dictionary, because now that I’ve thought this out to hell and back I lost track of the actual definition, generous is liberal in giving or sharing, being unselfish.

Now selfish is an adjective I would use to describe myself. Does this mean that I’m destined to be ungenerous? Or is generosity like sports? There are the kids that were born natural athletes and had the perfect jump shot in the 5th grade. Then there were the kids who received the “Ms. Hustle” awards (it’s a real thing, I swear, and have the certificate to prove it). The sport didn’t necessarily come naturally or easily but it was something they worked at. Hopefully being generous is like becoming a good free throw shooter – it just takes practice.