Don't Scare the Animals

Picture yourself walking through a meadow. You hear a noise and turn in that direction to investigate. You’ve stumbled upon a very cute, but slightly destructive, Panda Bear! Maybe we should be walking through a bamboo forest instead of a meadow. None the less, you find yourself looking into the eyes of a Panda Bear. It’s so cute you want to pet it and make friends with it and take it home with you. But alas, it’s a wild animal so step one is to not scare it off. You extend your hand slowly to let the panda get your scent . . . . and then where the hell do you go from there? How do you not scare the panda away?

I ask this question because I find myself in this situation. Not with a Panda, but instead with a cute but slightly destructive human. I’m trapped in this relationship somewhere between friendship and ridiculousness. And despite knowing I should just get out of the whirlpool, part of me enjoys the ride simply from an excitement stand point. As long as I’m in the whirlpool, something interesting is going on in my life. So keep in mind throughout the rest of this rant, that yes, I know that the whole situation is ridiculous and should just get myself out of it. Unfortunately boredom is less fun than drama.

At the start of the summer, I did something that I know usually gets me in trouble. Despite knowing that I should just put the shovel down, I opened my big fat mouth anyway and told my friend exactly what I think. This is never a good plan. The short version is that this friend stopped talking to me. Shocking. After three months had gone by, you can imagine my surprise when I finally heard from them.

Once again, I told it like it was, in as much of an “I’m not a crazy bitch and you’re an arrogant moron” way possible, figuring that this time for sure I had ruined whatever remains of friendship may still be salvageable. I did a bit of mourning over the loss of the relationship because ending relationships, whatever form they are in, sucks. Then I did something really stupid. About a month after the most recent exchange, I emailed the friend asking a question about something that of all my friends only they would know about. Much to my shock and surprise, I actually got a response.

This is the part where I’ve spotted the Panda in the meadow. I know its there, and it’s cute, but I also know that they outweigh me but 100 – 150 pounds. It’s like the classic bad boy attraction issue – you’re interested but the potential for danger (and excitement) is high. I opted to play things safe, sending a thank you for the information reply with a plan to send a happy birthday email in a few months. Suddenly and without warning, the panda makes a friendly move toward me, in the form of a text message. Now what the hell do I do with that?

Part of me is thrilled that the panda is making friendly overtures, and the other part of me is trying to figure out how to not scare the panda away. So while walking on eggshells around the metaphorical panda bear, which is just as uncomfortable as it sounds, I am working on a new life goal . . . don’t scare the animals. And maybe try to keep my thoughts to myself.