I Lie

It’s inevitable, that at some point in your childhood, you will be placed in an awkward position with friends. I’m not talking about saying no to drugs or alcohol. Long before that, you are issued an invitation to do something that you really do not want to do. Maybe it’s going to a party (or what passes for a party in elementary school), or meeting up with a friend at the swimming pool or potentially the worst of all, a sleep over invitation you do not want to accept.

This summer I was reminded once again, what a smart mom mine was. Much, much smarter than I gave her credit for at the time. She reminded me that back in the day we had a code system of some sort so that when we called to ask if we could do something, she would know whether or not it was something we actually wanted to do. Most likely, she could just tell by the tone of our voice (to this day the woman is frighteningly accurate at this), but the system was there none the less. Although I don’t remember this code system or word (or mom’s intuition), I do remember her asking me “Do you want me to say no?” To which I would give positive affirmation. And with that, my mother willingly took the bad guy position and I didn’t have to do something I didn’t want to.

Much to my dismay, I’ve discovered as an adult that there are even more invitations you don’t want to accept, however I no longer have to ask my mom for permission. I have friends that I know blame their spouses if they want to get out of something, which would come in equally as handy. And let’s face it, less weird than calling mom for permission in your late twenties. When you’re single and don’t have a constant and easy excuse such as a spouse, pet, elderly grandparent near by you have to take care of, etc., a girl has to get more creative. And by creative I mean you have to get really good at lying.

Lucky for me “thou shall not lie to get out of stuff you don’t want to do” was not one of the Ten Commandments. I’ll admit, it’s pushing the envelope a smidge, but I’m nothing if not a rebel. So yes, I lie to get out of things I don’t want to do. I had planned on giving some examples, however these are excuses that I may need to use again in the future and I have friends that read my blog. Instead, I will tell you that I will undoubtedly lie to get out of showers – both wedding and baby. But everyone already knew I did that anyway.

And I’m not the only one who does this. Remember the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte is on a horrible date and runs into Carrie in the same restaurant? Carrie then calls Charlotte and all she has to say is “Hey Charlotte, something bad happened.” And poof, Charlotte is able to ditch her terrible date. Trust me, the idea for that little scene was not original. Everybody (I’m assuming that men do this too) has this contingency plan.

All this to say that at times, it would be nice to revert 15 or 20 years (I’m close to a heart attack right now as I realize how long its been since my childhood) and have that automatic out. To not have to make an excuse or come up with a solid lie. To simply be able to ask permission and be told no. Alas, that is no longer the case. So it’s a good thing I have no moral issue with being a champion fibber.