When I was a freshman in high school, I found out that someone I considered a good friend had a crush on me. So I did what anybody at that age would do if someone they weren’t interested in was interested in them. I stopped talking to him for like six months. Luckily, 15 years later, we are still very good friends and all the awkwardness is gone.
While that probably wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, my defense is that I was 14 at the time. No one is smooth and good at handling that kind of thing at 14. What amazes me however is that twice this year alone I’ve seen the silent treatment/avoidance route played out by people at thirty-ish!
I read a lot of romance novels. Hey, I’m a sucker for a story where everyone lives happily ever after. They are the adult version of the Disney princess stories. The one thing that drives me crazy is that 90% of the authors would be able to cut out at least half the book if their characters acted like grown ups and had the uncomfortable conversation for 5 minutes. I keep thinking that in real life, people would just sit down and talk, and life would move on. 150 pages of guilt, angst and frustration no longer needed.
So while in my perfect world, people have the uncomfortable conversation and get it over with, my reality has proven different. Case in point – I made the mistake of mentioning to someone that I had a crush on him. We’d been hanging out a fair bit and enjoyed each others company and I was curious to see what he thought. Note to self: never tell a guy you might have a crush on him. Apparently in boy world, this is the equivalent of asking them to marry you. In my world, I have a new crush at least once a day. His solution of course was to pretend I didn’t exist for the next three months. While this is an appropriate response when you’re 14, it is not when you’re 30. All he had to say was, “While I’m flattered, I don’t feel the same way and just want to be friends.” Problem solved and we can move on. Even if you’re not flattered, you still tell the person that. It’s just part of the rules. Kind of like telling someone they look beautiful on their wedding day.
I thought perhaps that this was a boy phenomenon, until I recently had a girlfriend do a similar thing. Classic "When Harry Met Sally" situation that adds to the point that guys and girls can’t just be friends. Because someone always wants more. And two touchy-feely people of the opposite sex cannot be friends because someone always gets the wrong idea. So boy attempts to kiss girl after about a year flirty touching and conversation. Girl happens to have been drinking and did what any single adult would do in that situation – kissed him back. Rather than telling him that she didn’t want a relationship with him and thought of him as a friend, she also went with avoidance maneuvers until he seemed to get the idea.
I would like to think that if I was placed in an awkward situation like that, I would be able to say, “I’m flattered, but I don’t have the same feelings.” Or something along those lines. I’m never sure what is going to come out of my mouth when under pressure. Sure, that would suck to have to suffer through, for both people, but I’m pretty sure that a margarita or six would quickly ease the pain.
So I guess I’m working on re-setting my expectations for adult relationships. After all, if fictional people can’t have the awkward conversation to clear things up in fairy tales (aka romance novels), what on earth led me to believe that real people could do it? Ahh life . . . how you continue to teach me lessons.
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