I am a big fan of giving compliments. I mostly due it when it is actually warranted, such as when a friend gets a cute new hair cut or have some shoes I covet. I’m also not opposed to giving the unwarranted compliment when it’s expected and proper to do so. “Oh, you look so beautiful in your wedding dress.” “Your baby is so cute!” I also use the compliment as positive affirmation. If I’m ever in some type of relationship with guys, friends, pseudo romantic or otherwise, I try very hard to never criticize. Instead, when they dress well for a change, they get the gushing compliment about how much I like their outfit. Or how great their hair looks when it’s combed. Or how delicious the frozen pizza tastes (because hey, at least they made the attempt).
I am very clear in my compliments. I like your sweater. That haircut looks great on you. Those shoes are fantastic. You get the idea. Upon occasion, I also receive compliments. And I’ve noticed a trend. The compliments I get from girls are crystal clear and make perfect sense. The ones I get from guys . . . not so much.
For example, a guy friend of mine just walked past my cube. “Your shirt is bright today.” Ummm . . . I don’t know what to do with that. Are you just being observant? Is that a good thing? I’m so confused. After further clarification, I discovered that he did indeed like the color of my shirt.
I don’t understand where the difference in compliment giving comes from. Presumably, many people grow up with a male and female adult figure in their life as well as the possibility of siblings of the opposite sex. We’re exposed to people of the opposite sex every day. We all put on pants one leg at a time. How is it that we do something equally as simple, giving compliments, in such different ways?
The only direct comment I ever get from guys is “you look tired.” To which I always respond, “thank you.” Here is a tip boys . . . if you think I look tired, I KNOW I look tired and am trying to cover it up and hoping desperately that no one else notices the dark circles under my eyes. But I appreciate you taking the time to point it out. I say all this with a hint of sarcasm, as I know the guys aren’t trying to be mean, they’re just commenting. In their own special way, they’re showing that they’re concerned about why I look so terrible.
Alas, compliments are just one more thing I don’t understand about the boy brain. While I’m never quite sure what to do with comments such as “your hair is darker” and “your earrings are long,” I do appreciate the attempt. Despite the confused look you see on my face when you tell me something like that, please keep your “observations” coming.
May 6, 2010
May 5, 2010
My Mom
With Mother’s Day rapidly approaching, I thought it made sense to do a blog about my mom. While she’s not perfect, she’s pretty freaking fantastic as far as moms go. I sent her a gift last week because I wanted to make sure it got there on time. In the card I told her that my brother and I had totally lucked out in the mom department, and I wasn’t kidding.
Somehow she managed to raise my brother and me to be contributing members of society. We have college degrees, jobs and are able to support ourselves. I have no idea how she did this. Somewhere between endless hugs and groundings (which seemed endless at times), we grew up to be good kids and good adults.
She spent endless hours sitting in cars and on bleachers, following us to games all over the state. And perhaps more importantly, stayed away from them when asked. She played countless games of “Tall Bird, Short Bird,” with my brother (a terribly boring and mundane board game). She pushed us out of our comfort zones and then accepted the early independence we found from our experiences. She made us learn how to cook and clean, which even my brother is thankful for now that he realizes girls like to visit a clean apartment and are suckers for guys who can cook. She helped us learn how to fight the battles that were important to us and was ready to step in if needed. She let me do anything I wanted to my hair, except put a streak of blue in it. She let us learn how to fail. She didn’t bat an eye when I broke a light practicing setting in the house trying to make the varsity volleyball team.
I feel lucky and grateful that I came out of childhood and on the other side get to be friends with my mom. She’s someone I can talk to about anything, although I only tell her about 90% of what actually happens (trust me, your mom doesn’t need or want to know everything). Best of all, we can recognize that we’re driving each other crazy (we’re still mother and daughter after all) and need a break with no hard feelings.
Many people collect things. Some collect coins, dolphins, spoons, etc. The only collection that ever stuck with me was quotes. Yet another thing she supported me in, despite its ridiculousness. So in honor of my favorite mom, I have compiled some of her most memorable quotes, or things she said that impacted me, to share (I’ll keep updating as they come to me):
• It takes pain to be beautiful.
• Look for the rack with S-A-L-E on top.
• It’s not my job to be your friend.
• You have the whole rest of your life to be married.
• Eat or starve.
• I'll pay you $20 if you foul out of this game.
• A “C” may be average, but you aren’t average.
• You’ve been 35 since you were 3.
• Have fun.
Somehow she managed to raise my brother and me to be contributing members of society. We have college degrees, jobs and are able to support ourselves. I have no idea how she did this. Somewhere between endless hugs and groundings (which seemed endless at times), we grew up to be good kids and good adults.
She spent endless hours sitting in cars and on bleachers, following us to games all over the state. And perhaps more importantly, stayed away from them when asked. She played countless games of “Tall Bird, Short Bird,” with my brother (a terribly boring and mundane board game). She pushed us out of our comfort zones and then accepted the early independence we found from our experiences. She made us learn how to cook and clean, which even my brother is thankful for now that he realizes girls like to visit a clean apartment and are suckers for guys who can cook. She helped us learn how to fight the battles that were important to us and was ready to step in if needed. She let me do anything I wanted to my hair, except put a streak of blue in it. She let us learn how to fail. She didn’t bat an eye when I broke a light practicing setting in the house trying to make the varsity volleyball team.
I feel lucky and grateful that I came out of childhood and on the other side get to be friends with my mom. She’s someone I can talk to about anything, although I only tell her about 90% of what actually happens (trust me, your mom doesn’t need or want to know everything). Best of all, we can recognize that we’re driving each other crazy (we’re still mother and daughter after all) and need a break with no hard feelings.
Many people collect things. Some collect coins, dolphins, spoons, etc. The only collection that ever stuck with me was quotes. Yet another thing she supported me in, despite its ridiculousness. So in honor of my favorite mom, I have compiled some of her most memorable quotes, or things she said that impacted me, to share (I’ll keep updating as they come to me):
• It takes pain to be beautiful.
• Look for the rack with S-A-L-E on top.
• It’s not my job to be your friend.
• You have the whole rest of your life to be married.
• Eat or starve.
• I'll pay you $20 if you foul out of this game.
• A “C” may be average, but you aren’t average.
• You’ve been 35 since you were 3.
• Have fun.
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